Wedding Day Dreams

Have spent the whole of Easter making orders of service, place names and doing table plans! There was no surprise that I dreamt about the wedding last night. I was getting ready in the church in a room at the side and I asked Mum if she had brought the bag with my shoes, jewelry, veil and underwear - to my horror she had forgotten it. I was gutted I had no make up on and had to walk up the aisle just in my dress with my black boots on. I don't think Jason would have minded the lack of underwear but black boots and a white frock not good!

The night before that Mum said she heard me screaming in my sleep as I had watched Doctor Who and I was in this lift shaft with no air and I couldn't breath. At least there were no diseased people chasing me like in Dr Who. Jason had been banished to the sofa as he was snoring like a trouper so he was oblivious to my screams. He is full of a cold at the moment and has horrid cold sores so hopefully he will be better by the wedding.

I can't believe how fast this wedding has creeped up and getting a tad freaked out and would just like to put the brakes on a bit. Well most things are done now I just can't believe I am going to be a married woman, a Mrs it just sounds so grown up. Better get used to as that is what I will be in 11 days time - gulp!

The Night Club

Aimee and I in a compromising position!
Originally uploaded by Mucky Lou.

After the strip club we headed straight to the night club - a cheesy 80s place called Relax. I spent most of the time with Aimee running around doing dares such as kiss a bald man's head, put your lipstick on in the men's loo (the stench was enough to make you gag let alone apply lipstick!) and collecting a bus ticket, condom, menthol cigarette, and a business card (that was a challenge).

This photo I have uploaded here is a classic photo of Aimee trying to get me to sit on the floor for that song and it looks dodgey to say the least.

Vague recollections of my sister and I whizzing round the poles thinking we were the sexist pole dancers ever. Apparently our heads were millimeters from banging together! The sad fact remains that I could barely pull myself up the pole once I had got down and I was also displaying the holely crotch of my tights to all and sundry - nice!

I forgot to mention that I was given a sweetie garter and I spent most of the night getting strange men to bite my leg. I still had some sweeties left so on the walk back to the hotel sp I was asking randoms in the street to bite me. This was much to the frustration of the rest of the group who were desperate to get home to kick of their high heels, which were causing some bother after several hours of wear.

All in all a very good night and I am sure the missing gaps can be filled in! Thanks to all of you that came you gave me a great send off!

LOL

Mucky Lou xxxx

The Strip Club

With Sarah as chief navigator we arrived outside this strip club to be informed that it was female strippers for the fellas. Then the doorman showed us where to go - I thought he was going to direct us to another building but instead he lead us down a back alley, in through a side door and down into a very dingy dark basement.

There was another hen party there and we were able to get a preview of what was going to happen next. I realised I was too sober, so necked back a few vodkas in quick succession and then proceeded to handcuff myself to a large pole for a bit of slithering!

Finally, my turn came and I perched on the throne while I had four male strippers do their thing. There were two army men, a sailor and a very hunky fireman - they were a bit pasty (apart from the fireman)and one bared a resemblance to Wayne Rooney. We got some great photos and it was a really good giggle. After me, Becky, Sarah, Caitlin and Aimee had their own private dancers. Aimee's facial expressions were very very funny and wearing her nun outfit with a semi naked Wayne Rooney sat on her knee was hilarious!

Other various shenanigans occurred such as me pulling a mooney (it was a dare) and then proceeding to do rude things with my squeaky truncheon. Sadly, the time came to leave and we headed out into the pouring rain.

The Restaurant

Naughty Nun!
Originally uploaded by Mucky Lou.

Well I think I will go into more detail about the evening as it was a very interesting one.

First of all I was instructed to be in Becky and Sarah's room at 6.15pm where they would help me to get ready. I knocked on the door to be greeted by Becky in a kinky army outfit from Ann Summers and Sarah dressed as a foxy air hostess. I was still none the wiser as to what the theme of the evening was and I was even more intrigued when Aimee turned up as nun, Sarah as a French maid and Julie as a bitch sporting a fetching dog collar???!!!! The theme was revealed as Mucky Lou's Fantasy Queens!

They made me close my eyes whilst they dressed me up as a police woman complete with truncheon, flashing nipples, furry handcuffs and a willy whistle. These were teamed up nicely with Mucky Lou ‘L’ Plates that flashed and a hat and veil. – classy!

Then we met up with everyone else which was really funny - Laura and Oli were big cocks with marigolds on their feet (good thing to fantasise about!). Then there were some school girls, French maids, a few bunny girls, an army chick, a fairy, a Can Can girl, a red Indian (strange fantasy that one) throw in another copper and you have a big group of obscurely dressed ladies - Liverpool didn't know what had hit it!

First stop was the Indian restaurant around the corner which had another hen party and a stag party in residence but we certainly looked the best. Becky started on the Mr & Mrs questions which I kept getting right - good sign that I know Jason so well. Did a few mild dares but the others I was told I would have to wait for. The poor stag was forced to dress in a size 10 dress and was clearly not impressed - I did get to sit on his knee so that was good.

After a while I realised that everyone had pictures of me round their necks - these pictures were hideous - I am talking 14 years old with the worse perm ever looking moody and not to mention the ones of me sucking my thumb and showing off very bad sunburnt legs - ugh!

I had been taking it easy over the meal bar a very expensive double vodka to finish off - Sally did a good job of complaining and we weren't charged the full wack - £28 for four double vodkas and mixers! They were larger than double vodkas hence the hike in price but very dangerous if you were driving and not knowing you were getting larger measures.

Had a group photo on the stairs then headed out into Liverpool......

A hen weekend to remember - the lunch!

Bride and Chief Bridesmaid
Originally uploaded by Mucky Lou.

Well I can't believe a week has already past and I am still in a daze after my hen do in Liverpool last weekend. I got out of the shower on Monday morning and I looked down at my wrists which were covered in bruises. "How did they get there?" I pondered....read on to find out more!

It all started on Friday night with the gathering of a few of the chicklets for the weekend. Had a fantastic meal in a South American restaurant followed by drinks in a local Irish bar. We were all very well behaved as we were saving ourselves for the following night...boy was it worth it!

Up bright and breezy in the morning 7.30am to put a parking ticket on the car. The darn machine didn't turn on until 7.30am so there was an eclectic mix of hotel residents with their nightwear hanging out, sleepily hanging around the machine. Poor Claire managed to get a £4 ticket instead of a £5 ticket and spent the rest of the morning trying to sort it out.

Met in the foyer and Aimee produced a lovely pink cowboy hat with a tiara on it - classy. She told me this was part of the outfit and theme for the weekend - little liar - it was April Fools day.

The majority of us gathered for lunch at the Olive Press - very nice place. It was so good to have so many of my really good friends in one place and I spent most of the time jumping from one table to the other trying to catch up with people.

Then half way through lunch a surprise visitor arrived - Aunty Jen - my Dad's brother all the way from the Isle of Man! We hadn't seen each other for about three years and she had rung me the day before to say she couldn't make it!

We had a lovely meal and drank lots of wine before we all went our separate ways. The hard core posse went on the ferry across the Mersey and we had a good sing song before returning to the hotel to get ready for the evening.

Black Ink on my wedding dress

Last night I think wedding stuff was on my mind as we had spent the whole day at marriage class. I dreamt that I had taken my dress to be altered (I am going for my second fitting on Wednesday) and the lady laid it on the table and leant across to give me a pen to write down the date of my next fitting. I looked down and the ball point pen had leaked black all over my dress. She was mortified as was I and began wiping it off but it just expanded like a big black oil slick on the front of my dress. Then I was queuing up outside the shop on Saturday morning and the shop was packed with all these people trying on wedding dresses. By now I am crying as I am waiting to see the lady to see if she can remake the skirt of my dress with just five weeks until the wedding. I can't remember much more than that.

One other none wedding related dream I had last night involved me climbing up in a silver space suit up a big silver industrial tower to see this man. I came back down and there were people at the bottom of the tower with out breathing apparatus and I knew they could only survive a few hours with out being assisted with breathing. I had been trying to find out how this man at the top of the tower could breathe without anything (because he was human). Then the next thing I felt really unwell and I realised ‘they’ had injected me with something and all my skin was on fire and I knew I was dying (must be the medical thing in the news). I was put in a plastic box with just my hand sticking out and sent on a conveyor belt to join all these other dead people. Then I watched myself come alive (I was a man) and I said I was going to get the people who had tried to kill me. I got out of the box and all my skin was peeled away like in the programme extraordinary people when that 40 stone woman had all those operations to get rid of the loose skin. I was oozing all this blood and it was horrible – and that's all I remember.

Weird - only five and half weeks to go - bet I will have some even stranger dreams! Watch this space.

Marriage Class

Yesterday Jason and I spent the whole day on a marriage course run by the Catholic Church. We arrived wondering if it was going to be a bible bashing session and whether we had to pretend we weren't living together. We had tea and biscuits and had to write our hopes and fears for the day. I bumped into one of the teachers from St Benedict's so it was nice to chat to her. Then we spent the rest of the day doing group work.

One exercise was quite funny - we split into boy and girl groups and we had to write down what annoys us about our partners. One girl was saying how annoying it is when her partner comes home from work and dumps the contents of his pockets on the stereo. She was really quite wound up abut it and she has now taken to pocketing any money he leaves on the side to spend on herself! Then I realised that Jason does the same accept he dumps it on the chest of draws in our bedroom - might have to start pocketing the money! My main pet hates about Jason are;
1) He puts shoes on chairs - that really pisses me off especially when they are my mothers posh yellow ones - I saw a pair on there last week and I quickly pulled them off like the chair was going to catch fire if they stayed there grrrr!
2) Jigging - he always jigs his leg when he is sat down but the worst is when he is bed and the whole bed shakes.
3) That I always have to nag him to get his hair cut and he never puts gel in it and it looks all fluffy.

Then we had to write solutions to these problems and discuss it back in our groups - Jason claimed that he had read in mother’s medical book that jigging is a medical problem - I rolled my eyes at this point in despair.

We then talked about more serious issues - causes of conflict in marriage such as redundancy, being unable to have children, financial problems and how we would deal with them. We also had to talk about sex but we did that in our couples (talked) and we didn't report back to the group on that one. One really nice thing but quite embarrassing was we had to say to our partner (in front of everyone) what we were initially attracted us to them and what we love about them now. Jason got slushy and said some lovely things which was nice but felt uncomfortable in front of everyone. I just said that once I got past his horrible painting shirt which he wore to cycle maintenance I fell in love with his smiley eyes and his great sense of humour. What I love about him now is he is my best friend and he makes me feel very special. Right you can all stop vomiting now!

The day ended with a short prayer service (the only really religious part of the day) and in couples we lit a candle and made an engagement promise which was a bit cheesy but nice. The day confirmed to both us our feelings for each other and our reasons for getting married.

Virgin Ebay!

A couple of weeks ago I made my first ever purchase on ebay! I already had some wedding shoes made in Vietnam for $4 but I couldn't find them anywhere - think they have gone to keep my work clothes (and everything else that has gone missing since we got back) company. I was buggered if I was going to pay £60 plus for a pair of shoes that I would only wear once. So, I ventured into the world of ebay and put in a bid for one pair of shoes which I lost - gutted someone bid another quid more! Anyway, the bid was due to expire one Thursday morning about 11am so I kept flicking from my email to ebay to check no one was going to outbid me. We had a couple of auditors in the office (one was very dishy) who must have thought I was bonkers. The tension as the minutes ticked by was very exciting. Then I won a bargain £7.50 plus postage and packing so just £12.50. I was so pleased. They arrived a few days later and they are great! Ebay is the way forward!

Kylie & Chicken Fillets

Not a wedding dream but very strange and worth a mention - I dreamt that I met Kylie last night and she was looking very thin because of her illness. I spent ages queuing to get her some butterscotch ice cream to fatten her up -bizarre.

Wedding update - As you will all know I have finally sent out the invitations and it is now very exciting getting the replies back! Thanks for all your lovely RSVP cards that you have sent in already.

I went out and purchased my bridal underwear a few weeks back which was a good laugh. I was striving to enhance my cleavage which is pretty non existent now I have lost weight - the lady in the shop advised me that I need chicken fillets! This is how the stars have such ample bosoms probably with a boob job thrown in as well. Chicken fillets are horrible slimy bits of plastic gel that nestle under your boobs to give them some oomph. I will have to secretly whip them out and hide them before Jason ravages me (I hope) on our wedding night. Concerned that the ceilidh could cause them to pop out on the dance floor... umm could be interesting.

I purchased a lovely basque which was £120 and I got it in the sale for £30 – I won’t tell you how much the chicken fillets cost!

Now on an e bay mission to find some size 6 wedding shoes as the ones I had made in Vietnam for $4 aren't quite right.

Other decision making is wedding rings and I have finally decided what I am going for after much stress so that should be sorted at the weekend.

That's all for now.

L x

Tattooed!

Sorry I haven’t written for awhile but things were pretty rubbish at the end of last year. The lowest point was a week and a half of shredding paper at a school in Stockport – soul destroying.

Wedding plans going okay. Not long to go now - only three and a half months.

Strange dreams – dreamt that I was on my hen do and I got so blind drunk that I woke up the next day to discover a tattoo on my right knee! It was in the shape of a road stop sign that had an arrow pointing up and the text in bold MOVE UP! I mean, I hate my short stubby legs enough without a horrible big black tattoo on my chunky knees. I was so mortified that I had no recollection of going to a tattoo parlour for such an ugly tattoo. Becky got a battering as she is the one of the hen organisers and I told her that everyone who had been on the hen night would have to contribute to it being lasered off. I woke up relived that it had all been a horrible dream.

Speaking of hen nights – mine is turning into a logistical nightmare as I had finally decided on York for the 1st April weekend but this is when the races are on so all the accommodation is booked up. I have a friend who knows York well on the case so hopefully get some accommodation and a date confirmed soon.


My mother also had a strange dream the other night (this is where I get it from) that my Dad and Uncle Jimmy walked me up the aisle. The main problem was that my Dad was in the nude! I won’t divulge any further details as to what happened next as it is too rude for the internet.